Image with me if you will a scratch and sniff Bible…
Yes that is the smell of mana, mmm-mmmmm the delicious smell of fattened calf, eeewww the coppery smell of blood dripping from Goliath’s head. How amazing would it be to enjoy the olfactory side of scripture! What did Jesus smell like? Could we start a fad of “How Would Jesus Smell” bracelets and T-Shirts?
Imagine smelling the pearly gates, the Ark of the Covenant, the animals on the Ark of Noah, and how could we not want to inhale the perfume used to wash the feet of the King. The biggest problem I can think of would be the mixture of scents on each page. From delicious banquets to entire cities being burned to the ground - perhaps just a bit too much for the nasal passages of most.
The solution – theme scented Bibles! I would like the death and destruction scented KJV please. I’ll take Feasts and Famines in the New American standard please. This would revolutionize how we smell the Bible. We would have to definitely be careful with that “sin” smell. The manufacturers would have to balance a stench with a sweet tempting smell that could be very difficult to produce.
And, what if people don’t like the smells? Well they could just ignore that part of the Bible. After all, most ignore the parts they don’t like anyway. Right?
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
The best things in life are disposable
Disposables
This is not a singular invention in and of itself. It is a series of inventions that would revolutionize the way we live. Image taking any item you use regularly and making it disposable.
The Disposable Toothbrush:
They come in a pack of seven. Each already has its perfect pea sized toothpaste apportioned on the bristles. Pop it open, brush, chuck in the can! I love it! Then follow it up with disposable mouth wash packets.
Disposable Underwear:
I am sure many of you probably go ahead and throw these away anyway. Especially you guys. But what a glorious day it will be when just before your evening shower you throw those bad boys into the can and never se them again! And then, in the morning, no more searching for a clean pair. No more sniffing to see if they are clean. No more settling for “not as stinky as the other two pair”. Now you can unwrap a perfect pair every day! Amazing.
Disposable Glasses:
To wear them is to hate them. They are the reason doctors have convinced millions that shoving a piece of plastic into their eyes is so much better. Glasses. Spectacles. Coke-Bottle-Bottoms. Whatever you call them they stink. They grease up. They prevent you from lying down and watching TV. They get lost. They require a regular upgrade, break, bend, and never really sit comfortably on your face for more than a few minutes.
Imagine tossing them in can every night when it was time for bed! Who cares if you bend them horribly out of shape while watching the tube lying on your side – they’re getting trashed in a few minutes!
Honestly, what couldn’t be made into a disposable and be better off for it? As for the garbage, who cares. There is another invention I have to help those guys out. We’ll get to that next time.
This is not a singular invention in and of itself. It is a series of inventions that would revolutionize the way we live. Image taking any item you use regularly and making it disposable.
The Disposable Toothbrush:
They come in a pack of seven. Each already has its perfect pea sized toothpaste apportioned on the bristles. Pop it open, brush, chuck in the can! I love it! Then follow it up with disposable mouth wash packets.
Disposable Underwear:
I am sure many of you probably go ahead and throw these away anyway. Especially you guys. But what a glorious day it will be when just before your evening shower you throw those bad boys into the can and never se them again! And then, in the morning, no more searching for a clean pair. No more sniffing to see if they are clean. No more settling for “not as stinky as the other two pair”. Now you can unwrap a perfect pair every day! Amazing.
Disposable Glasses:
To wear them is to hate them. They are the reason doctors have convinced millions that shoving a piece of plastic into their eyes is so much better. Glasses. Spectacles. Coke-Bottle-Bottoms. Whatever you call them they stink. They grease up. They prevent you from lying down and watching TV. They get lost. They require a regular upgrade, break, bend, and never really sit comfortably on your face for more than a few minutes.
Imagine tossing them in can every night when it was time for bed! Who cares if you bend them horribly out of shape while watching the tube lying on your side – they’re getting trashed in a few minutes!
Honestly, what couldn’t be made into a disposable and be better off for it? As for the garbage, who cares. There is another invention I have to help those guys out. We’ll get to that next time.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Tortwixa
The Tortwixa
A few days ago a friend of mine, working out of pure genius, created one of the greatest culinary delights of our time! We were eating Fajitas at a table together discussing several different food ideas, fried New York strip, fried candy bars, pretty much frying anything.
When the genius struck: Take a small taco-sized flour tortilla wrap it around a single Twix candy bar. Microwave it for 22 seconds on high. Squirt some whipped cream into each end and enjoy!
It was amazing. The only problem was that we each had two. One pair of Twix bars each individually wrapped, micro waved, and covered in the whipped cream. Note to self: One is enough.
Today we had some other friends mention that the addition of marshmallows to the interior of the Tortwixa could increase the enjoyment factor. Though untested the idea sounds great, the Smoretwixa is born. Let me know if it is any good.
The problem I am finding is the lack of flour tortillas I have access to on a regular basis. I find a Twix just about any time and place. Microwave as well. But the tortilla is elusive. Which, in all actuality, makes the Tortwixa an even more desirable delight due to the rareness of it. Not quite a purple, the Tortwixa is defiantly a blue. So good luck to all of you out there eager to try this food invention of power and joy!
Second note to self: Don’t use online game terminology that only an obscure few people who might read your weak unread Blog will actually understand.
A few days ago a friend of mine, working out of pure genius, created one of the greatest culinary delights of our time! We were eating Fajitas at a table together discussing several different food ideas, fried New York strip, fried candy bars, pretty much frying anything.
When the genius struck: Take a small taco-sized flour tortilla wrap it around a single Twix candy bar. Microwave it for 22 seconds on high. Squirt some whipped cream into each end and enjoy!
It was amazing. The only problem was that we each had two. One pair of Twix bars each individually wrapped, micro waved, and covered in the whipped cream. Note to self: One is enough.
Today we had some other friends mention that the addition of marshmallows to the interior of the Tortwixa could increase the enjoyment factor. Though untested the idea sounds great, the Smoretwixa is born. Let me know if it is any good.
The problem I am finding is the lack of flour tortillas I have access to on a regular basis. I find a Twix just about any time and place. Microwave as well. But the tortilla is elusive. Which, in all actuality, makes the Tortwixa an even more desirable delight due to the rareness of it. Not quite a purple, the Tortwixa is defiantly a blue. So good luck to all of you out there eager to try this food invention of power and joy!
Second note to self: Don’t use online game terminology that only an obscure few people who might read your weak unread Blog will actually understand.
Time Leech
As the first Blog in a new series about amazing inventions I will explain a creation that drains the life and time out of each and every one of us.
Today's invention is the "Time-Leech".
I know it is not a thing but a word. A definition.
You never know what kind of invention you will find here. Today a word, tomorrow - how to make cash fall out of your ceiling fan. Stay tuned.
The Time Leech
Defined: Any person place or thing that sucks up your valuable time with needless issues, concerns, or musings.
A Blog could be considered a Time Leech (except mine which always reeks an nobody reads)
Today we have in our office just such an individual. HE may be awarded the Time Leech of the year award. With the astounding ability to talk about subjects that require absolutely no attention whatsoever, he cunningly slices away precious usable minutes. How many times can you tell that unfunny story about your wife? How many times must you reiterate the point you have already made 15 times? How little have you to do with this day you are plopping into the garbage by ranting on and on about nothing?
How much I ask. But I do not ask it out loud. Because then I would be leeching away his time and though he has had no such regard for mine I will not return in kind.
He stands up to leave this could be it! Yes I am about to salvage the day! “See you later,” I say in hopes that it will cap the world’s longest conversation about nothing. (This guy could write for Seinfeld!
He turns to respond! No! Keep walking, what are you doing? “Speaking of later…”
And that is it, I have accidentally brought him up from the depths and his air is refilled. Like a hot air balloon he begins to ride the wind of his own breath. This is insane!
I know what I can do! I can give out the secret “secretary emergency code”. A sign we share with our helpful co-workers enabling them to pull us out of the blather! She responds. She knocks softly on the door. She indicates that I have to do something else. What it is does not matter, anything!
She leaves and once again I am hopeful to be free of the Time Leech again.
He doesn’t take the hint. But he does take the opportunity to sit back down and discuss any number of worthless topics. Oh, well. I chalk up another loss to the Leech and settle in for a waste of another half-hour or so.
Anyone believe in this invention? Unfortunately it works all too well. Here’s to a Leech-free day!
Today's invention is the "Time-Leech".
I know it is not a thing but a word. A definition.
You never know what kind of invention you will find here. Today a word, tomorrow - how to make cash fall out of your ceiling fan. Stay tuned.
The Time Leech
Defined: Any person place or thing that sucks up your valuable time with needless issues, concerns, or musings.
A Blog could be considered a Time Leech (except mine which always reeks an nobody reads)
Today we have in our office just such an individual. HE may be awarded the Time Leech of the year award. With the astounding ability to talk about subjects that require absolutely no attention whatsoever, he cunningly slices away precious usable minutes. How many times can you tell that unfunny story about your wife? How many times must you reiterate the point you have already made 15 times? How little have you to do with this day you are plopping into the garbage by ranting on and on about nothing?
How much I ask. But I do not ask it out loud. Because then I would be leeching away his time and though he has had no such regard for mine I will not return in kind.
He stands up to leave this could be it! Yes I am about to salvage the day! “See you later,” I say in hopes that it will cap the world’s longest conversation about nothing. (This guy could write for Seinfeld!
He turns to respond! No! Keep walking, what are you doing? “Speaking of later…”
And that is it, I have accidentally brought him up from the depths and his air is refilled. Like a hot air balloon he begins to ride the wind of his own breath. This is insane!
I know what I can do! I can give out the secret “secretary emergency code”. A sign we share with our helpful co-workers enabling them to pull us out of the blather! She responds. She knocks softly on the door. She indicates that I have to do something else. What it is does not matter, anything!
She leaves and once again I am hopeful to be free of the Time Leech again.
He doesn’t take the hint. But he does take the opportunity to sit back down and discuss any number of worthless topics. Oh, well. I chalk up another loss to the Leech and settle in for a waste of another half-hour or so.
Anyone believe in this invention? Unfortunately it works all too well. Here’s to a Leech-free day!
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